So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
