the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
