you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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