and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
