Cold hands, warm shart.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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