If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
