I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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