South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
