She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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