Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
