I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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