Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
