Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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