just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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