he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
