Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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