having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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