I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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