end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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