Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
