You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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