im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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