just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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