I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
