I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
