Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I could make wine with my vomit
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
