do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
