that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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