I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
