I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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