I murdered the dance floor call the cops
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
