I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
