well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
