I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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