I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
