Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
