I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
