I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
