I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
