Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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