at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
