Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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