I'd wear matching sweaters with you
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize