I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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