Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
