I like my sex mixed with concussions.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize