My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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