so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
