Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
