she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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