Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
