whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
