Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
