You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
