i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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