Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize