Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I could make wine with my vomit
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
