My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
