when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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