omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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