I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
