She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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