why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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