i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
