My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
