she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
