I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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