I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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