I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
