Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
