I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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