dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
