I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
