There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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