we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
