I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
