Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
