HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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