i think my tv is drunk
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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