Umm I'm too high to move.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
