im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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