so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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