When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
