What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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