I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So. Much. Porn.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
