i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize