It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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