god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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