I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
