I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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