A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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