she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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