I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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