sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
