Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
