That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize