Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
