I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
